im so CONFUSED!!

argh!!!
i want to get away form Redcliffe sooo badly.
but i don't exactly know why.
i don't know what im thinking, i never know what all my thoughts mean.
honestly,
why even bother anymore?
im stuck here anyway.
im sick of just thinking "Meh. im just like everyone else,
so why make an effort for myself?
its not like im gonna get anywhere in life."
but the thing is,
i know i can be successful.
im not really used to success
and it would be an amazing feeling to live my life based around it.
i want to have a future. i don't want to blow all my chances while im still young and stupid.
all these old fashioned quotes are so right! despite their many decades of increasing level of cliche-ness.
i think instead of ignoring my inner instinct,
i should embrace it
because along with my intellectual abilities, its all i have left.

here.

im sitting on a couch, with a laptop on my lap.
life is sweet right now.
the trees have blossemed.
so whats new? nothing is new to me,
casual thoughts from a casual mind.
"Aaron A Aaronson."
oh my, what a name.
anyway i dk wat life would be like without the sweeter things.
like close friends and family.
gosh what would i do without them?! i have this overwhelming fear of being alone for too long.
it can often bring me to tears,
bbut honestly, what doesnt make me cry?
im so cold and this laptop is soooo warm.
guess whos going to be snuggling with simone tonight guys? (:
anyway i do believe this is enough here.
i hate having to read excessive ammounts of absolute blabber.
*end of post*
heheh (:

i want to be myself... but i cant. i dk who i am...

last night was tragic. i never want to spend another night like that crying over all the bullshit in my life.
i hate being so confused about who i really am. i hate everything that i thought i already was. it feels like Ive just been lying to myself the entire time.
but i didn't even realise.
im over putting everyone else's happiness before mine.
its clearly the civilised way to handle things but all its done for me is push me and push me to breaking point.
and last night, i broke.
i cried. oh i cried all right.
all before the eyes of my bestfriend; the one person who has proven to be completely genuine, the one person guaranteed to stick by me... and my boyfriend; the one i love, the person who appeals to my every desire.
for the first time, i opened up completely. i blurted out every little thing that was on my mind. every concern every little detail to how i felt. i just... let go.
im not completely done though.
i guess this is just simply the beginning.
what am i beginning though?
WHAT AM I DOING?! please idk what im doing with myself. whoever that is.
....

F I R S T B L O G

yay. i have began the blogging. hehehe well, here i share my innocent life.... pah! if only life was so innocent :)
today was very basic.
not much to tell. though i have come to a conclusion that i cannot trust my beloved boyfriend max.
but i couldn't trust anyone after just two and a half weeks.
boyfriend,
friend...
no difference.
im still unsure if he is who he really says he is.
we shall see. :)
WHO LOVES MUSIC??
i know i do(:
i go through random phases of who i like the most.
like a month ago:
I LOVED THE GRATES!!!! now they have failed to amuse me
now i kind of like bullet for my valentine. very nice music.
well i believe i am done for now.

byeeeeee:)