i want to be myself... but i cant. i dk who i am...

last night was tragic. i never want to spend another night like that crying over all the bullshit in my life.
i hate being so confused about who i really am. i hate everything that i thought i already was. it feels like Ive just been lying to myself the entire time.
but i didn't even realise.
im over putting everyone else's happiness before mine.
its clearly the civilised way to handle things but all its done for me is push me and push me to breaking point.
and last night, i broke.
i cried. oh i cried all right.
all before the eyes of my bestfriend; the one person who has proven to be completely genuine, the one person guaranteed to stick by me... and my boyfriend; the one i love, the person who appeals to my every desire.
for the first time, i opened up completely. i blurted out every little thing that was on my mind. every concern every little detail to how i felt. i just... let go.
im not completely done though.
i guess this is just simply the beginning.
what am i beginning though?
WHAT AM I DOING?! please idk what im doing with myself. whoever that is.
....